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Old Paradians Monthly Lunch: View Response #44

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Some midlifers feel as if they "should" get married and have kids because it's "what people do." Society sets the expectation that you aren't quite an adult before you have married and/or started a family. This bias can come from everyone in a midlifer's life, including their closest friends and family members.

The constant questions about your dating life can weigh on you until you believe that you should hurry up and find someone. Learning to counter questions and live your own life despite the expectations of others is a hard thing to do.

People Chose Not to Marry For Different Reasons

Some midlifers might have married at one point, but they just never found some special enough to share their life with. Others were in long-term relationships that ended in midlife, and as a result they weren't keen on getting married after that.

One person living the unmarried life, blogger and author Eleanore Wells, said, "Though I love having a boyfriend, marriage always seemed really hard and rather boring. I can't imagine being with one person my entire life. I also felt that being married would stifle me. In addition, I've come to learn that I really like my space/solitude and it's important that —when I'm in a relationship— one of us goes home. That could make marriage tricky."

Very true. Love doesn't always mean compatibility. But an unmarried life doesn't necessarily mean being alone either. Many midlifers have stayed in long-term relationships and do not feel the urge to "make it official." Others just like the freedom that staying unmarried provides.

Downsides of Never Marrying

While choosing singletude has many benefits, there are also some downsides that midlifers deal with. Wells said, "I sometimes don't like going to events unescorted, I don't have anyone to carry heavy things or move stuff around for me, I have to pay someone to fix stuff around the house, and I don't always have someone to share my good and bad news with."

It's especially important to have a positive support system. Friends and family members can help during the times when you don't feel like being alone or need assistance. If you choose to remain unmarried for life, know that isolation doesn't have to be a regular occurrence. Learn to reach out when you're feeling lonely, and find friends who share your interests. Happiness is found when you're comfortable with your life, regardless if you're married or not.

OT but since it was discussed on another thread about the mass killers being mostly white I did an analysis of this article regarding 62 mass killers over the last ~30 years.


Created at 27/03/2019 11:48 PM  by  
Last modified at 25/01/2023 2:44 AM  by